Merry Christmas, Baseballers

Sincerely and truly,

The Department of Baseball

Marlins Add Mark Buehrle To Their Cart

The only thing more colorful than his new uniform will be each day at work.  Enjoy your manager Ozzie Guillen, wacky closer Heath Bell, newly-signed long-time underachiever Jose Reyes, and overpaid slacker mental case and soon-to-be-displaced-at-his-position Hanley Ramirez, along with the rest of the nutty troupe.

Ryan Braun Tests Positive For PED

And has thus been awarded a 50-game suspension. 

Braun and his management and legal team is expected to blather some incoherent alibis and defenses and appeal the automatic punishment.

What's worse is that Braun's 2011 NL batting championship trophy may now go to Jose Reyes, who took himself out of the final game after his first at-bat so that he could mathematically clinch the top spot.

The cream definitely rises to the top in major league baseball.





Absolutely no reason

Angels Sign Albert Pujols And CJ Wilson

Hall Of Fame Twists The Knife

Ron Santo was an All Star third baseman for the Chicago Cubs from 1960 to 1973 and after a year with the White Sox, retired in 1974 at the age of 34.

In 1980, his first year of eligibility for the hall of fame, he received 1.9% of the vote and his final year for consideration in 1998 yielded him his best showing, 43%. 

Santo wanted two things -- a World Series for the Cubbies and no posthumous induction into the hall of fame. 

Ron Santo died of complications from his life-long battle with diabetes in December 2010.

Today, almost exactly a year after his death and almost forty years after he retired from baseball, the veteran's committee voted Ron Santo into baseball's hall of fame. 

We're out of corn flakes.

Florida Marlins Stay Hot, Sign Jose Reyes

The Marlins apparently found value in an ex-Met shortstop who has not played a full season in three years and chose to win the NL batting crown in 2011 by benching himself after his first at-bat in the last game of the season.  Reyes' statistics include the Mets' infamous collapse of 2007 and all the other lesser-known Met chokes of the last several years.

For this the Marlins have rewarded him with a 6-year, $106M contract.

Somebody's drinking it

Heath Bell Is No Longer A Padre

Leaving the San Diego Padres more quietly than he took the mound in the 2011 All Star Game, closer Heath Bell was signed by the Florida Marlins to a 3-year, $27M contract.

Averaging 40 saves a year with a 2.88 ERA, Bell is a bargain compared to Jonathan Papelbon's 4-year, $50M contract, minus postseason experience.

Interestingly, incoming executive Omar Minaya traded Bell to the Padres back when Minaya was the GM for the New York Mets. 

Apparently Bell has not forgotten and is saving Minaya the trouble by going to where they know how to make it rain.

Hundred dolla' bills, y'all

Omar Minaya Is Now A Padre

Omar Minaya, former general manager for the New York Mets and before that the Montreal Expos and dead-ringer for The Ladies Man guy's father, has been hired by the San Diego Padres as Senior Vice President of Baseball Operations. 

He will still be based at his East coast home but will travel extensively for player scouting.

"That ith dithguthding"

Manaya's highlights for the Mets (2005 - 2010):

-  signed:  Johan Santana, Moises Alou, Francisco Rodriguez,  JJ Putz, Jason Bay, Jerry Manuel, Oliver Perez, Paul LoDuca, Jose Valentin, Billy Wagner

-  dealt away:  Heath Bell, Kaz Matsui

"We love it!"

-  fired manager Willie Randolph after winning the first game of a road trip

-  went bananas on New York Daily News writer Adam Rubin at a 2009 press conference



Buena suerte, Padres!

Red Sox For Your Valentine

Bobby Valentine, most recently ESPN analyst and broadcaster, less recently Japanese baseball champion manager, previously MLB manager for the New York Mets and Texas Rangers, was hired as manager by the Boston Red Sox.

While Boston is gaining a firm leader with vast and personal baseball knowledge, ESPN is losing a credible and frank commentator on its Sunday night baseball telecasts as well as Baseball Tonight.  This will leave Dan Schulman and Orel Herschiser to toss it around between themselves in the booth unless the network seeks to keep it a trio for whatever reason like forced banter.

A shame because the Sunday night games seemed to work nicely, but according to news reports the Red Sox clubhouse needs to get its collective behind kicked, and Bobby is the guy to do it.

"Let them eat chicken..."

Houston GM Wade And President Smith Given Astro Glide Out Of Town

New Houston Astros Owner Jim Crane continued with his sweeping changes to the organization, firing GM Ed Wade and President Tal Smith on Sunday night.

The first and biggest change took place recently with the Astros moving to the American League, a condition of the sale by Major League Baseball, read Bud Selig.

First of all, with Drayton McLane, Wade, and Crane, we are happy to get rid of as many homonyms as possible in this story because we don't really pay close attention and we don't need the added confusion.

Pouty when not catered to

Second, this franchise has been a drag for a number of years, and we would like it if they picked it up a little there in Houston.  The Rockets haven't done much in a while, and after the Oilers left we don't have any interest in a football team whose name reads like an envelope address.  McLane has shown limited capacity for getting anything done, and we imagine his executives' failures stem from his ineptitude as a manager or stifling constraints on them.

However, we are very unhappy with pulling the Astros out of the National League.  The team is by history a NL team and has no business going to the junior circuit, especially since the Texas Rangers already represent the state in the AL.  However, Nolan Ryan has been very vocal about creating a rivalry with the Astros and his Rangers and it has been very obvious that Selig is more than anxious to shine Ryan's boots whenever they pass by his lips.  Selig has been hot on interleague play and extending the playoffs, and balancing the number of teams in each league this way helps as he fluoridates the waters of MLB with his commie-driven agenda.



Will never hear you

For the record, we stand against interleague play.  American and National League teams should play each other only in the World Series.  Maybe spring training.  Other than that, no interleague play ever, until the designated hitter rule is designated for assignment.  Then we'll talk about it.

The wild card does not need to be extended to a second team.  This will only unnecessarily prolong the already-too-long season with phony drama.  This year's fantastic final day of the season would never have come about under Selig's plan.

What should be done is contract the league by eliminating the Florida Marlins, the Tampa Bay Rays, the Toronto Blue Jays, and then send the Brewers to the American League.  Canadians don't care about baseball, it rains too much for the Florida franchises to play without a delay or a roof for fans who really don't exist, and everyone thinks the Brewers are still in the AL anyway so why not put them back there?  Bob Uecker won't care either way.

Where was Bush Sr. on 11/22/63?

This is what you get when a former used-car salesman teams up with a locally beloved hall-of-fame pitcher/team owner palling around with a two-term president who were both born and raised and now living in the state that killed John F. Kennedy.

Dale Sveum

Yes.

Say it again.

Dale Sveum.

Who?

Repeat.

This will be the new theme for Chicago, Wrigley Field, Cubs fans, and Cubs Nation all over. 

One miracle down, one to go

We were going to say is there something about Dale Sveum that we missed, and yes, probably, since we don't know anyone in major league baseball, but whatever they liked certainly never came through the television when we watched him manage the final twelve games of the Milwaukee Brewers 2008 season and guide them through four straight losses to the Phillies in the playoffs.

Someday their Prince will come?

Why the Brewers fired Ned Yost has never been clear to us, twelve games before the end of a season where they were reasonably viable to get into the playoffs.  It seemed more understandable why they passed on Sveum twice as a permanent manager.  He is described as "stoic" but he looked like a wooden cigar indian in the dugout.  We don't need a fireball in the dugout all the time (see Ron Washington -- annoying) but some nights we've seen lamp posts that move more than Sveum.  Don't ask us when.

"I am going to Cincinnati."

Overall, he seems to have a good reputation as a good guy, a motivator, a one-time utility infielder who made the rounds with half a dozen teams, including the Brewers where he not only played but eventually served as bench coach and yes, his twelve glorious days as manager in 2008.  Well sixteen if you count the nosedive they took in the post-season.

So what about that?  Cubs president Theo Epstein and whoever his general manager is dismissed hopes of hiring local hero Ryne Sandberg as manager when they announced they were looking for someone with major league managing experience.  Sveum does exceed that standard by twelve regular-season games and has post-season experience (four straight losses) but really, what does Theo say to Ryne Sandberg when he sees him on the street -- "those twelve games are important"?

"I'm going home to mother!"

That would be an indication that Sveum was not your number one candidate, that the Cubs were looking at Texas Rangers pitching coach Mike Maddux more seriously than he was taking the interview.  Sandy Alomar Jr. and Pete Mackanin also interviewed, which gives you a picture of what Theo's thinking.  He's not interested in recycling someone out from the manager junk drawer, he wants someone to come in and buy into his program from the start and then prove himself.  Like Terry Francona.

"Man, I'm just goin'..."

And perhaps this is where Theo sees the advantage:  They already have an established working relationship when Sveum was the third-base coach for the Red Sox.  If he buys into Theo's sabermetric perspective, which Sandy Alomar Jr. allegedly couldn't, then he's got a leg up on most any other candidate for the job.  Add to that an established and apparently warm relationship with free-agent Prince Fielder, and that's just icing on the Theo's cake.

"I'm not going anywhere, mister!"

And what about Francona?  He didn't interview, he and Theo must talk.  Did Francona decide to take next year off completely, or was he not impressed with the Cubs dubious roster of talent?  Perhaps Theo has Francona in his back pocket, chilling while Theo sets up shop and available when Theo needs to make a change, which he someday will.

What's the over/under on Dale Sveum?

Who?

"I'm not even stopping the car..."

Jonathan Papelbon, The Fifty Million And Fifty-Eight Dollar Man

Jonathan Papelbon signed with the Philadelphia Phillies, a four-year contract worth $50,000,058 with an vesting option in 2016 that could increase the value to $63M over five seasons.

The former Boston Red Sox closer, last seen blowing the save in the final game of the season which eliminated the Sox from the post-season, will take his kilt-dancing skills to a team with 2011's best record but lost in the first round of the playoffs.  Papelbon will take the place of Ryan Madson, who had been negotiating with the Phillies in similar contract terms despite never having closed an entire season there.

The Red Sox will now look for a closer to complement their vacant manager position, vacant general manager position, and vacant Big Papi in the line-up.  So far.



Yankees Extend Brian Cashman

The New York Yankees announced that General Manager Brian Cashman has accepted a three-year contract extension.  Terms of the agreement were not disclosed.



"Can't wait."

Cashman is 44 years old and has been affiliated with the Yankees since 1986 when he was an intern.  In 1998 he was named Senior Vice President and General Manager, and had contract renewals in 2005 and 2008. 
While we are not usually card-collecting fanatics of front office personnel, we confess amazement that anyone employed by the Yankees for the last 25 years is still living or not receiving shock therapy.  Equally surprising is that Cashman still has any hair left, of any color, while as GM he has constructed teams winning four World Series titles, six American League Pennants, and no guest appearances on "Seinfeld."

Given the sorry state of the Yankees starting rotation, the bullpen, the bench, and consistency among the starting line-up, the 2009 World Series victory aside, it is surprising that the Yankees would ask him to stay on.  However it is surmised that the Yankees want the ebullient Cashman to suffer with them each day of the Alex Rodriguez 10-year / $250M contract he engineered.  Cashman just this week signed CC Sabathia to a contract extension with the Yankees at an added cost of $30M. 
It is fascinating to watch an executive in a high-profile position so regularly making deals procuring average and obvious questionable talent at unimaginable price tags.  We don't have the manpower, time, or interest to research the hypothesis, but we guess that the amount of money spent on free agent busts like Randy Johnson during Cashman's tenure would possibly buy all the teams in the American League West.

Free At Last

Dodger pitcher Joe Ely thanks owner Frank McCourt for going away.

Major League Baseball and Dodgers owner Frank McCourt released a joint announcement that McCourt would allow the team to be sold.

Three bags and an error

The friendless grifter and former Boston parking lot magnate filed for bankruptcy protection in June and finalized a divorce agreement with wife Jamie in August.  A new idiot or group of idiots is expected to take possession of the team before spring training.

Volunteers stand by to help pack or drive McCourt, his sycophant children, and wishfully the Kardashians to the airport.

Tony LaRussa Calls It A Career

St. Louis Cardinal manager Tony LaRussa announced he would retire, ending a 33-year managerial career that places him third all-time in wins behind Connie Mack and John McGraw.

"Enough of the phone jokes!"

He leaves behind a stunning resume, winning over 500 games with three different teams, winning a World Series title in both the National and American Leagues, and managing more games than any other manager, save Connie Mack.

On another day we might have thrown in snide asides regarding his affiliation with accused steroid-users, his DUI, his dyed hair, his OCD managerial style, his lawyer-esque dialogue, and his overall tendency to just roll his burrito a little too tight.  However, if we ever meet his daughter Bianca, cheerleader for the Oakland Raiders, we'd like to have as pleasant a conversation as possible.

Sports Illustrated Strikes Again

On Sunday night, SI.com published a report that the New York Yankees had offered CC Sabathia an improved contract extension but that the lefty would opt out and seek other offers in the free agent market. The story was picked up by The Sporting News and other sports news outlets.

On Monday night, CC Sabathia announced he would accept the extra year and $30M, keeping him in Gotham through 2015 with an option for 2016.

SI.com could not be reached for comment.

And Gee Willakers

From 10.5 games out of the post-season race in the last week of August, the St. Louis Cardinals completed their ridiculous comeback by winning Game 7 of the World Series, 6-2, over the Texas Rangers.  It is the 11th for the franchise and the first since 2006.

Ready to go Robin Ventura on somebody

It looked like another grinder as the teams were tied 2-2 through the first couple of innings when Ron Washington took a page from the Tony LaRussa playbook and went to the bullpen early to remove Matt Harrison after four innings and three runs.  The Cardinals looked invigorated by Thursday night's improbable win while the Rangers, who had not lost two consecutive games since August, picked an unfortunate time to run out of gas.  They got their two runs early off Chris Carpenter, who started rough but quickly dialed in and found his groove, and from then on the Rangers were not much of a threat.

Texas bbq, St. Louis style

Lance Berkman, Allen Craig, and David Freese all had a World Series you would expect Albert Pujols to have, but for his contract negotiations, regardless where they take him, he needed this World Series win the most.  After slow starts the last couple of years because of injuries, Pujols's stock has slowed, if not flatlined.  A great player to be sure, the favorite of hack broadcasters who insist on handicapping early Hall of Fame votes, but for all his years only one championship ring.  Statistics are wonderful toys and even with his prodigious talent Pujols was still one ring behind Manny Rodriguez, whom nobody is extolling for class.  Teammate David Freese took MVP for both NLCS and World Series and arguably Chris Carpenter, Lance Berkman, or Allen Craig deserved the WS MVP just as much if not more.  But that puts Pujols not into even the top four performers for the Cardinals, and though his presence alone is problematic enough for the opposing team, it is not a lock that his play is consistently dominant as the talking heads would have you believe.  Mariano Rivera is continually posted as a can't fail, but even if that were true his team still didn't get past the first round.

"Rzepczinski?"

So now that nobody on the St. Louis side remembers the bullpen telephone incident, it's on to the off-season to enjoy a hard-earned trophy and to ponder what this team will look like next year, specifically LaRussa and Pujols.  For the Rangers, it will be the echo of "one strike away" for the winter months, hoping CC Sabathia opts out of his Yankee contract, wondering how their bank-vault closing pitching could let the big prize slip away, not just once in the same game, but the two final games. 

And the even bigger question, how do you face Nolan Ryan?

Golly

O'er the land of the Freese

The superlatives have all been taken, the cliches de-mothballed and paraded about, the dead horses brought out and beaten again, the comparisons all deepened with another re-etching. 

Yes, same guy

1975, 1991, 1986, look in record books, go through your ticket stubs, file through the memory bank, pick one, pick any.  2011 World Series Game 6 will stand as a worthy rival for craziest, wildest, ugliest, worst, nuttiest, awesomest Series game of all time.



Not the reason, but not helpful

Box scores, highlights, the written paragraph, none of that will help you understand the game if you didn't see it.  The sloppy defensive play was not to be believed.  Every home run, every lead change was apparently the back-breaker.  The managers were running out of maneuvers.  Twenty-seven outs wasn't enough to decide it.

Oh, sorry, pardon me...

The theme for the game will be "one strike away."  The Rangers could have, should have, put it away twice with two out and two strikes.  The Cardinals shouldn't have been here anyway, so to have two strikes with two out on two separate at-bats in an elimination game was to them like having lunch at noon.  St. Louis manager Tony LaRussa rode the razor's edge of brilliance and catastrophe, the difference of course riding on David Freese's 11th-inning walk-off homer.  Ron Washington had who he wanted where he wanted them, but the players have to play the game.  An infielder has to field his position, a closer has to make his pitches.  Even LaRussa, in his quietest moments between games, has to acknowledge that as fact.

Not clutch

Heroes and goats lined up to have their credentials punched -- Michael Young committed two fielding errors and Matt Holliday and Freese committed one each.  Nelson Cruz appeared to have misplayed Freese's triple in the 9th inning.  Josh Hamilton appeared to put the game to rest.  Lance Berkman was clutch.  Albert Pujols let his presence do the work. 



If you haven't seen the game, find a way to do so.  If you weren't available or had no interest in a midwest and Texas series, redeem yourself and find that someone who has it on tivo or MLB.tv archives or somewhere you can return to the rails of historic baseball.


Nolan Ryan's Facebook status

Exciting Game 6's have a tendency to belie a pedestrian Game 7, but if the 2011 post-season continues in its current state, Friday night's game will be no slouch.

Eric Karros Looks Like Mayhem

Wha ?

St. Louis Cardinal manager Tony LaRussa explained in a post-game press conference that crowd noise caused bullpen personnel to not hear his requests for reliever Jason Motte, not once, but twice, resulting in a mismatch with Mike Napoli, a tie-breaking double, and ultimately a loss in Game 5 of the World Series.

"Is that my phone or yours?"

LaRussa claimed that in his first call to the bullpen he asked for Motte and Rzepczinski and eventually brought Rzepczinski to face David Murphy, whose double-play grounder ricocheted off Rzepczinski's hand to become a bases-loading single.  LaRussa said he again called bullpen coach Derek Lilliquist to get his closer throwing, and seeing that Motte was not throwing, left Rzepczinski in to throw to Napoli and the rest will now be history.

We're not sure what to make of this.  LaRussa took full responsibility for the mix up, admitting that he should have actually looked to see who was warming up in the bullpen.  He guessed that the crowd noise was sufficient to make phone conversation difficult. 

"One ringy-dingy..."

Having never managed a World Series game, we are loath to second-guess only the second manager to win World Series in both leagues, but if after the first time your directive to get a pitcher up was not followed, wouldn't you double check to make sure after you called the second time?  And since you had been to a World Series before, wouldn't you anticipate home crowd noise and other visitors' hazards?

"Can I what...?"

We have not heard from the bullpen coach and nobody had directly contradicted LaRussa's story, but it sounds somehow not quite right.  LaRussa had earlier declared Rzepczinski not available, so would anyone answering the bullpen phone get Rzepczinski throwing without question?  Why not send someone down to the bullpen to make sure Motte was warming up after the first botch-up?  And considering what a control-freak LaRussa is he seemed very not angry about such a colossal disaster that cost him Game 5 and quite possibly the Series.  It seems ludicrous to think LaRussa was making up a story to cover up a bad pitching choice; then again, just the Cardinals being in this year's World Series seemed ludicrous six weeks ago, but here we are.  Don't even get us started with Albert Pujols supposedly calling for a steal during his at-bat which resulted in a game-ending strike-em-out throw-em-out double play.

"Can you hold?  My other shoe is ringing"

Many observers have found the joke in this story with equipment that was invented when the National League was born, why couldn't they text, has nobody not heard of a cell phone, etc., but the problem wasn't with hardware or technology, it was the personnel using it.  Somebody screwed something up and LaRussa is handling it like a lawyer.

It's a wacky post-season.  Texas Rangers owner Nolan Ryan may have been right in his prediction of victory in six games.  Stay tuned.