Red Sox For Your Valentine

Bobby Valentine, most recently ESPN analyst and broadcaster, less recently Japanese baseball champion manager, previously MLB manager for the New York Mets and Texas Rangers, was hired as manager by the Boston Red Sox.

While Boston is gaining a firm leader with vast and personal baseball knowledge, ESPN is losing a credible and frank commentator on its Sunday night baseball telecasts as well as Baseball Tonight.  This will leave Dan Schulman and Orel Herschiser to toss it around between themselves in the booth unless the network seeks to keep it a trio for whatever reason like forced banter.

A shame because the Sunday night games seemed to work nicely, but according to news reports the Red Sox clubhouse needs to get its collective behind kicked, and Bobby is the guy to do it.

"Let them eat chicken..."

Houston GM Wade And President Smith Given Astro Glide Out Of Town

New Houston Astros Owner Jim Crane continued with his sweeping changes to the organization, firing GM Ed Wade and President Tal Smith on Sunday night.

The first and biggest change took place recently with the Astros moving to the American League, a condition of the sale by Major League Baseball, read Bud Selig.

First of all, with Drayton McLane, Wade, and Crane, we are happy to get rid of as many homonyms as possible in this story because we don't really pay close attention and we don't need the added confusion.

Pouty when not catered to

Second, this franchise has been a drag for a number of years, and we would like it if they picked it up a little there in Houston.  The Rockets haven't done much in a while, and after the Oilers left we don't have any interest in a football team whose name reads like an envelope address.  McLane has shown limited capacity for getting anything done, and we imagine his executives' failures stem from his ineptitude as a manager or stifling constraints on them.

However, we are very unhappy with pulling the Astros out of the National League.  The team is by history a NL team and has no business going to the junior circuit, especially since the Texas Rangers already represent the state in the AL.  However, Nolan Ryan has been very vocal about creating a rivalry with the Astros and his Rangers and it has been very obvious that Selig is more than anxious to shine Ryan's boots whenever they pass by his lips.  Selig has been hot on interleague play and extending the playoffs, and balancing the number of teams in each league this way helps as he fluoridates the waters of MLB with his commie-driven agenda.



Will never hear you

For the record, we stand against interleague play.  American and National League teams should play each other only in the World Series.  Maybe spring training.  Other than that, no interleague play ever, until the designated hitter rule is designated for assignment.  Then we'll talk about it.

The wild card does not need to be extended to a second team.  This will only unnecessarily prolong the already-too-long season with phony drama.  This year's fantastic final day of the season would never have come about under Selig's plan.

What should be done is contract the league by eliminating the Florida Marlins, the Tampa Bay Rays, the Toronto Blue Jays, and then send the Brewers to the American League.  Canadians don't care about baseball, it rains too much for the Florida franchises to play without a delay or a roof for fans who really don't exist, and everyone thinks the Brewers are still in the AL anyway so why not put them back there?  Bob Uecker won't care either way.

Where was Bush Sr. on 11/22/63?

This is what you get when a former used-car salesman teams up with a locally beloved hall-of-fame pitcher/team owner palling around with a two-term president who were both born and raised and now living in the state that killed John F. Kennedy.

Dale Sveum

Yes.

Say it again.

Dale Sveum.

Who?

Repeat.

This will be the new theme for Chicago, Wrigley Field, Cubs fans, and Cubs Nation all over. 

One miracle down, one to go

We were going to say is there something about Dale Sveum that we missed, and yes, probably, since we don't know anyone in major league baseball, but whatever they liked certainly never came through the television when we watched him manage the final twelve games of the Milwaukee Brewers 2008 season and guide them through four straight losses to the Phillies in the playoffs.

Someday their Prince will come?

Why the Brewers fired Ned Yost has never been clear to us, twelve games before the end of a season where they were reasonably viable to get into the playoffs.  It seemed more understandable why they passed on Sveum twice as a permanent manager.  He is described as "stoic" but he looked like a wooden cigar indian in the dugout.  We don't need a fireball in the dugout all the time (see Ron Washington -- annoying) but some nights we've seen lamp posts that move more than Sveum.  Don't ask us when.

"I am going to Cincinnati."

Overall, he seems to have a good reputation as a good guy, a motivator, a one-time utility infielder who made the rounds with half a dozen teams, including the Brewers where he not only played but eventually served as bench coach and yes, his twelve glorious days as manager in 2008.  Well sixteen if you count the nosedive they took in the post-season.

So what about that?  Cubs president Theo Epstein and whoever his general manager is dismissed hopes of hiring local hero Ryne Sandberg as manager when they announced they were looking for someone with major league managing experience.  Sveum does exceed that standard by twelve regular-season games and has post-season experience (four straight losses) but really, what does Theo say to Ryne Sandberg when he sees him on the street -- "those twelve games are important"?

"I'm going home to mother!"

That would be an indication that Sveum was not your number one candidate, that the Cubs were looking at Texas Rangers pitching coach Mike Maddux more seriously than he was taking the interview.  Sandy Alomar Jr. and Pete Mackanin also interviewed, which gives you a picture of what Theo's thinking.  He's not interested in recycling someone out from the manager junk drawer, he wants someone to come in and buy into his program from the start and then prove himself.  Like Terry Francona.

"Man, I'm just goin'..."

And perhaps this is where Theo sees the advantage:  They already have an established working relationship when Sveum was the third-base coach for the Red Sox.  If he buys into Theo's sabermetric perspective, which Sandy Alomar Jr. allegedly couldn't, then he's got a leg up on most any other candidate for the job.  Add to that an established and apparently warm relationship with free-agent Prince Fielder, and that's just icing on the Theo's cake.

"I'm not going anywhere, mister!"

And what about Francona?  He didn't interview, he and Theo must talk.  Did Francona decide to take next year off completely, or was he not impressed with the Cubs dubious roster of talent?  Perhaps Theo has Francona in his back pocket, chilling while Theo sets up shop and available when Theo needs to make a change, which he someday will.

What's the over/under on Dale Sveum?

Who?

"I'm not even stopping the car..."

Jonathan Papelbon, The Fifty Million And Fifty-Eight Dollar Man

Jonathan Papelbon signed with the Philadelphia Phillies, a four-year contract worth $50,000,058 with an vesting option in 2016 that could increase the value to $63M over five seasons.

The former Boston Red Sox closer, last seen blowing the save in the final game of the season which eliminated the Sox from the post-season, will take his kilt-dancing skills to a team with 2011's best record but lost in the first round of the playoffs.  Papelbon will take the place of Ryan Madson, who had been negotiating with the Phillies in similar contract terms despite never having closed an entire season there.

The Red Sox will now look for a closer to complement their vacant manager position, vacant general manager position, and vacant Big Papi in the line-up.  So far.



Yankees Extend Brian Cashman

The New York Yankees announced that General Manager Brian Cashman has accepted a three-year contract extension.  Terms of the agreement were not disclosed.



"Can't wait."

Cashman is 44 years old and has been affiliated with the Yankees since 1986 when he was an intern.  In 1998 he was named Senior Vice President and General Manager, and had contract renewals in 2005 and 2008. 
While we are not usually card-collecting fanatics of front office personnel, we confess amazement that anyone employed by the Yankees for the last 25 years is still living or not receiving shock therapy.  Equally surprising is that Cashman still has any hair left, of any color, while as GM he has constructed teams winning four World Series titles, six American League Pennants, and no guest appearances on "Seinfeld."

Given the sorry state of the Yankees starting rotation, the bullpen, the bench, and consistency among the starting line-up, the 2009 World Series victory aside, it is surprising that the Yankees would ask him to stay on.  However it is surmised that the Yankees want the ebullient Cashman to suffer with them each day of the Alex Rodriguez 10-year / $250M contract he engineered.  Cashman just this week signed CC Sabathia to a contract extension with the Yankees at an added cost of $30M. 
It is fascinating to watch an executive in a high-profile position so regularly making deals procuring average and obvious questionable talent at unimaginable price tags.  We don't have the manpower, time, or interest to research the hypothesis, but we guess that the amount of money spent on free agent busts like Randy Johnson during Cashman's tenure would possibly buy all the teams in the American League West.

Free At Last

Dodger pitcher Joe Ely thanks owner Frank McCourt for going away.

Major League Baseball and Dodgers owner Frank McCourt released a joint announcement that McCourt would allow the team to be sold.

Three bags and an error

The friendless grifter and former Boston parking lot magnate filed for bankruptcy protection in June and finalized a divorce agreement with wife Jamie in August.  A new idiot or group of idiots is expected to take possession of the team before spring training.

Volunteers stand by to help pack or drive McCourt, his sycophant children, and wishfully the Kardashians to the airport.